Dave4Him's WebLog: April 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

Can you laugh at yourself?

Never do anything silly when your friend has his Blackberry posed to capture the moment!! This is a very humbling shot….but funny. I was trying out my new Guitar Hero hat. I think it was squeezing my head..??

How Dave became 'Dave4Him'

Testimony of David L. Barnes --- Written shortly after conversion in Sept. 1995 ---

On September 2, 1995, my wife informed me that she was filing for divorce. My reaction at first was, ‘Yea, right’, but when I looked into her eyes, I knew that she was serious. My world turned upside down. It was as if my very soul died; like the batteries in a flashlight when a power outage hits, dead. I knew our marriage wasn't what it should have been. I knew our romance was not burning like a torch—more like a pilot light on a gas stove. I knew we had problems but I didn’t know how to fix it. “I’ll just put it on the back burner and the problem will fix itself over time.” I didn’t love my wife not one bit less than when I had married her twelve years ago, I just didn’t let her know or show her like I should have. The pressures of life, raising two young children, wanting a nice home, vehicles, and all of the other stuff that you think you got to have to live comfortably came before our relationship to each other. At that time I couldn’t see that. The more stuff we wanted, the more we had to work. Gradually, I was working more and more, longer hours, and six sometimes seven days a week. Trying to bring home every dollar so we could have more stuff and be happy. She was working full time and raising our two children and being a housewife all at the same time. We didn’t have time for each other it seemed. We were so caught up trying to live the ‘good life’ that we missed the good life! It was right there under my nose and I didn’t even see it. We didn’t have enough stuff yet, the timing wasn’t right, we need to pay this loan off so we can borrow more, to buy more stuff. Never was I satisfied to the point that I’d say, “OK, we’re here! We got enough stuff now so let’s start living.” What a waste of valuable time! A beautiful wife, two beautiful children—what more could a man want? Instead of bonding with my wife more and more, I was driving the wedge deeper and deeper. Over time, she was going this way and I was going that way. Two different roads—her road was to enjoy life now and my road detoured, not enough stuff yet. But I thought that the roads would merge back together and everything would be all right. The roads were dead ends. Back to Sept. 2, the first Saturday of September, I left that night, normally I would leave Sunday morning, but I left that Saturday night because I was so upset—I didn’t know what to do or what to say—I needed time to think. I am a truck driver. In a small town, having only a high school education, it was the best job I could do to make the most money. Also, it’s something I liked and knew something about. I grew up around trucks thanks to my daddy. Anyway, I left that Saturday night, headed up to Tifton Georgia to pick up my load to go to Ft. Lauderdale. It was a regular and steady haul, three times a week for over two and a half years now. Every Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings, I was leaving home and returning the next afternoon. That Saturday night I slept in my truck. Actually I just tossed and turned and wept. Sunday morning I picked up my load and headed for Ft. Lauderdale. It was the longest day of my life! Looking back, I shouldn’t have ever been on the road for other people’s safety and mine. I would realize where I was at and didn’t remember how I got to that point. It was like a car trip when we were children and we would be sleeping in the back seat, waking up from time to time, trying to figure out where we were at and how we got there. After two and a half years of running the same route, I guess it paid off because I didn’t wreck. I know now that a Higher Power had His hand on the wheel along with mine! That whole day, I was trying to figure out why this was happening and what could I do to change my wife’s mind. My mind was like a hurricane spinning here and there never knowing where it was going next, only slowing down momentarily to grasp a thought and spinning off again. I was going insane I thought! Never had anything ever upset me like this before! Everything I had ever wanted in life was suddenly falling away from me and I wanted desperately to get a hold on it, but it was slipping right out of my hand! I arrived In Ft. Lauderdale that night earlier than usual. I laid down in the sleeper of my truck and wept. My mind was complete mush. I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. Over and over I reviewed my life and marriage, trying to put my finger on the source of the problem—nothing made any sense. I loved my wife, I loved my children, I loved my family and worked hard to support them—and ‘this’ was happening. Why, why over and over why? At this time, around 7:45pm, Sunday, September 3, 1995, while laying down in my truck, I lifted my arms into the air and cried out, “God, please help me!” At that very moment a calmness that I have never experienced before in my life came over me. A tingling sensation started on my head and slowly went down my entire body, all the way to my toes. It was that feeling like when your foot ‘falls asleep’ and the blood in coming back into it. The calmness upon me was eerie, something different. The air that I breathed was the sweetest, the most purest air that I had ever breathed! Then, there I was looking down at myself lying down in my truck. It was like I was in the roof of my truck, looking down at myself! I could ‘see’ right through myself. I could see all the things that I had been doing wrong. It hurt tremendously to look at myself, but the whole time it felt like Someone had an arm around me, comforting me. All of the things that I had said, thought, and did just came gushing up for me to see. The way I had neglected my family—my wife, my children—just became so evident to me. I was worshiping my work and never realized it. Then, I was back in my body again lying there in my truck. The silence was deafening! Then all of the emotions of what I had just experienced came over me and I wept momentarily and stopped and just lay there absorbing all of what had just happened. Then a joyous feeling came over me. It was a new feeling that I had never experienced. It was like a light clicked on inside me. I thought, “How come I feel so happy when my whole world has fell down around me?” Then, at that very moment, I realized that God had saved me! He reached down and anointed my head when I invited Him into my life. He opened my eyes and unplugged my ears. Through His outpouring of grace, He had saved me. I had been reborn, reborn of the Spirit and for the first time in my life, I was seeing the kingdom of God! I saw all of the times that when I put my work ahead of my family, all the times that I could have put them off until later and be with my family. I was hearing all of the things my family was telling or asking of me that fell on deaf ears. Somewhere along the way, I had managed to get my priorities exactly backwards. I had driven my wife away from me—I had killed her love for me that she once had. I had pushed her so far back that she fell off. Too many times I had blamed her for our problems, but when God opened my eyes, I looked deep into my soul and realized that it was me. It was me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------This is exactly what I wrote down many years ago. I have wanted to edit it several times since, but to do so, would take away from how exactly I felt at the moment. As a brand new child of God, I tried to explain it the best way that I could. Also, I cannot say that I actually had an out-of-the-body experience, all I know is that God allowed me to go through that. Whether real or a vision, God was in it and that's all the proof I need. I could never adequately explain my salvation and how God changed me, but I KNOW He did. I know that I know that I know! I was there. He was there! Have you 'been there?' I pray so.

Dave4Him's WebLog

Friday, April 24, 2009

Can you laugh at yourself?

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